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Submitted on
January 14, 2010
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Lincoln street was way past it's prime, once being the main road to the now foreclosed coalmine which, let's face it, was the only thing putting Sparrow's Song on the map. Most of its stores and facilities were gone, their buildings derelict. In fact, Gary had never been further down Lincoln than the corner of St.Joan's, where he was now. But desperate times called for desperate measures, as well as some desperate people to act them out. For the umpteenth time, he reached in his pocket to produce a small, cut out piece of newspaper. 2nd st unfurn app w. kchn, bthr, oud prvy & fllnthblnk. 138 Linc. Str. The cheapest appartment in town, not counting a cardboard box. He sure hoped there were other life forms inhabiting the far end of Lincoln, though the state of what cars were parked alongside the curb wasn't promising.

'Well, here goes...'

He put his right foot out, and started to walk past the empty stores, bars and restaurants. God, this was depressing! But he'd be damned if he'd move in with his folks again, oh no! Never in a trillion zillion years would he crawl back and ask for -


The words caught his eye in passing and rushed for his attention. He stopped dead in his tracks and gazed at the sign. It was behind the rather dirty window of a rather desolate building - once it must've been a pet store, but most things living in there now had six legs, feelers and an exoskeleton; and people sure as hell weren't gonna spend money on them! He focused on the words again.


Should he...? God knows how long it had been on there... although, it looked fairly new. God knows what kind of crappy job they were offering. Then again, even a crappy job could beat no job at all on any given day. And almost-beggars couldn't be choosers.  He sighed, opened the door and entered.

The first thing he noticed was the light. It was bright, almost blinding. When his eyes adjusted themselves, he could see that what he first thought to be a vividly blue wall and ceiling was actually the sky, complete with white fluffy clouds and a gentle breeze. Looking down, the floor appeared to exist of the same fabric - in fact, he couldn't see his legs from the knees down, lost as they were in this cloudy material. Just what was going on here? He turned around and noted the door was still there, but it just stood upright against the air. Startled, he made another turn, only to find himself face to toe with an enormous pair of feet, attached to a colossal humanoid shape towering above him. Its head was lost in the clouds, but a long, white beard descended. The huge torso and abdomen were partially covered by some sort of toga, also white. Gary swallowed down hard.

'A... are you...?'

The reply came in a deep voice that was pleasant and eloquent, yet thunderous at the same time.

'The Great Omnipresent Divinity, yes. But please, don't make a big deal out of it.'

'But... but... I... You... Did I just die?'

'Hmm. Let's see. Do you find yourself engaged in conversation?'

'Ye... yes.'

'Then no, you did not die. Seeing as you are here, though, I assume you came to speak to me about the job?'

'The... job?'

'The sign outside? "Help Wanted", in big black letters?'

'Oh! Um... yes, but... I didn't... I mean, you're God!'

'I know this.'

'I am dreaming, right? I'm...'

'You are not dreaming, nor are you delusional, drunk or otherwise bereft of your senses. This is real, so let's get down to business! I may have forever, but you don't.'

'Okay. Wow! God. Can I just ask you something?'

'Of course. People do it all the time, but ever so often they mistake it for praying.'

'Did you really, actually create us, the universe and everything?

'In a way. But at the same time, I AM you, the universe and everything. It's complicated.'

'And the whole garden of Eden thing? That went down for real?'

'Again: in a way, yes. Although now you're entering the field of mythology. Things often get confusing there...'

'But Adam and Eve? The rib? the apple?'

'It's rather symbolic, you know, the whole fruit thing. I mean, have you ever really considered apples? They spend their time dangling from a tree until they fall, bruising themselves on any number of branches on the way down, and then lie there unconscious and ready to be eaten. Doesn't really strike Me as a great display of wisdom! Ask yourself this: if I can create stuff by a simple arrangement of atoms, molecules, etcetera; why would I need to take the rib? And if I created both male and female forms for every mammal, why not for man?'

'I see. I think... what about Jesus?'

'What about him?'

'Well... was he... real? I mean, really your son, did he do all that stuff they tell you about in the Bible, or just some of it and was the rest just, you know, fanciful additions?'

'Does it matter?'

'Well, I suppose...' he faltered. This conversation wasn't going where he had expected it to, insofar he ever expected himself to have an actual dialogue with God.

'Now then,' God spake, 'The job. Creation is allover doing well; it's even showing some creativity of its own, which I applaud. Yet man, for some reason, seems to have a very strong tendency toward sabotage, even self-destruction! I must say I'm not amused. Man had, and still has, great potential; it saddens me to see the course you've taken. You have become your own nemesis - creations' adversary. There's something of an analogy with the fall of Lucifer, by the way, since you're so into Biblical themes... Anyway, this behavior has been puzzling me for ages, but I can't seem to work it out. So here's where you come in: I need you to help me! Work with me, and aid me in finding a way to make things right! What say you?'

'Well...' Gary tried to wrap his mind around the idea. 'What's in it for me?'

Though still unable to see God's face, Gary could feel the full weight of His eyes upon him. When God answered, His voice seemed to have deepened even more.

'Ah! I do believe you just highlighted the essence of my problem right there!'
Written for the #LITplease launch contest: [link]

Please bear in mind I did not write this to offend, nor to have a cheap laugh at anyone's expence. My views on God, religion etc. are as long and prone to change as my life. If there's something in here that offended you, I do apologise; and I'm open for debate.
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CrimsonThrenody Featured By Owner May 31, 2010
Haha. Well done. I loved the dialogue and the punch line. Very creative and very....punchy. :)
wyldhoney Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
:aww: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. :)
AlecBell Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2010
Delightful. Few punch lines pack such punch!!

Good luck in the contest
wyldhoney Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much!
AlecBell Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2010
you have my vote!
wyldhoney Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
mackwrites Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2010
Interesting how this embraces and rejects theology? haha, I can't quite understand it. God mocking himself? Quite odd. :P

One thing I don't understand: 'Can I just ask you something?'

'Of course. People do it all the time, but ever so often they mistake it for praying.'

What does that mean? :confused: Praying is asking for things... although it is certainly much more complicated than that.

Ask yourself this: if I can create stuff by a simple arrangement of atoms, molecules, etcetera; why would I need to take the rib? And if I created both male and female forms for every mammal, why not for man?

I have no doubt this question could be answered very simply and eloquently, and even though I'm sure I won't be able to do half that well, I'll say this: I think the main point of that story (which I do believe is a story and not literal fact) was to show man's separation from the animals. Additionally it was meant to highlight the intimacy and sacredness of the union between man and woman in marriage.

As to the final question, which I'm sure you meant in jest, there's much "in it" for me personally. It's wonderful for me. :)
wyldhoney Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
I've nothing against theology, but I do have some issues with religion, which are two very different things in my view (mind you: I am well aware of the limitations of said view) :) Here, God is a bit of a blend: I was inpired by Morgan Freeman in the Bruce/Evan Almighty movies (I loved him there); as well a John Malkovich in the Nespresso commercials, and by something Tori Amos once said: "I'm sure God would much rather hear some Led Zeppelin than all these psalms". But I have many theories about Him, and they all change with time.

About the praying, as far as I understood it the purpose of praying is threefold: to honour God, to meditate, and to seek guidance. Asking God for strength during a difficult time is a form of prayer, but I gather asking God to miraculously let you ace that test you didn't do anything for isn't. It also occured to me that asking for things isn't really faithful, as having faith would indicate you're aware of the outcome and you've made your peace with it; whereas asking for 'special arrangements' shows uncertainty. If I may quote Morgan Freeman in his above mentioned role: "If someone asks God for patience, do you think God will just bestow it upon him, or put him in situations where he can learn how to be patient?" (it was something like this anyway, it's been a while since I've seen that movie).

The creation bit was a bit difficult for me too, but I felt the question was very obvious given the circumstances so I had to come up with something. :) I get the part where it seperates man from the animals, but the marriage part hadn't occured to me. I still think the whole Luciferian Rebellion/Garden of Eden thing makes a decent metaphor for the power of man and how it corrupted him into abusing the world; as well as luring the less powerful humans into some form of subservience.

The final question is actually very serious, but I think you misinterpreted it; it wasn't "what's in it for me if I believe", but "what's in it for me if I help you with this", by which I tried to show man's tendency to put personal gain above everything else. Look at the environment: people are willing to do things to help make it better, but as soon as it begins to cost, many bail out. Our minister for environmetal affairs once said: "I know very well what measures I should take, but if I did, nobody would ever vote for me again!"

I did not mean to write a testimony here, but to provoke thought. So don't hesitate to discuss things futher if you like. Thanks for reading and commenting. :)
mackwrites Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2010
Wow, I did misinterpret it :o Your views are extremely thoughtful and insightful!

As for prayer, you are, of course, right. I have nothing to add :B

wyldhoney Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for saying so. I threw 'the purpose of praying' on wikipedia before I wrote this, but that counts as research, doesn't it? ;)
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