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Submitted on
January 2, 2012


4,122 (1 today)
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Welcome to the first issue of a brand new feature series, wherein I attempt to dive deeper into some of the issues going on in and about dA.

:bulletgreen: For the very first issue, I carefully approached our great raptor queen Halatia to subtly address some questions people have always had regarding our LIT Community Volunteers. As I have just been moved from the intensive care to a regular hospital wing, I am now able to post the resuslts of our diplomatic encounter:

1. thorns recently addressed the constant fear the LIT community seems to have for it's Community Volunteers:… Why exactly is it the CVs persistently choose to reign through terror?

It all seems to be a big misunderstanding that comes down to tooth count. I just keep smiling and smiling, but all the litters run away in terror. For some reason, gleaming rows of serrated incisors seem to freak people out.
Spotted raptor by Raptor85
I should take a moment to point out that we are hard at work attempting to train wreckling to stop flinging his poop. Thus far, we have succeeded in limiting the number of feces launches per day to less than 15. Look for further improvements on that number in 2012.
Monkey Poo for you pt1 by Jays-Doodles Monkey Poo for you pt6 by Jays-Doodles Monkey Poo for you pt4 by Jays-Doodles

2. Our current LIT CVs are a Monkey, a Tiger and a Raptor; whereas in the past we've had a Cat, a Starfish and some Texans. When exactly did dA start enlisting animals for Volunteers, and why?

Approximately since the birth of the interwebz. And because we are the loudest. And by 'we,' I mean the Texans.

3. Speaking of the Starfish: is it true GhwenavhyeurAnastasia didn't so much leave dA as she was eaten by you?

What a vicious rumor! I only nibbled off one leg. You can hardly blame me. You know how hard it is to find starfish outside of the ocean? I won't go near the damn things because of the sharks. They have such terrible manners and ridiculous teeth envy.
Sharks by accumulate :thumb148812265: Sharks4 by 7honar

Besides, starfish can grow their legs back. It was just a temporary limb loss.

4. Since our animalist LIT Community Volunteers generally operate in packs of three, what are the chances of zebrazebrazebra forming a future pack on her own?

Well, she would have to start with getting some fiercer animals on her side. I mean, zebras are loud and all (good trait), but if she's going to go up against Tigers and Raptors, she's going to need something with teeth, spiny-thorny things or at least an ink-spitter. But given her powers of striped persuasion (three zebras, so hypnotizing), I bet she's up to the challenge.
Zebras by TeSzu Zebras by Henrieke How the Zebra Got Its Stripes     When the world began, all the animals were the same. They were all medium sized and had light, tan colored fur. Their feet were a cross between what are now hooves and paws. None of them had stripes or spots or claws. They all ate plants and never fought and they were all happy.
     One day the spirits of the zebras who had died said to each other,
     “I want our family to be different from all the other animals.” So they thought of ways that they could make it happen.
     Soon the other animal spirits began to get news of what the zebras were planning. Then they all wanted their families to be different. Conflicts began to arise. It wasn’t fair that the zebras were the only ones who got to be unique.
     So they all held a meeting. It was decided that they would be able to change their family line to be different, but they could only cha

5. What community projects do you endorse most, and what would you like to see more of?

Prompts that immediately make you think, "No way I can do that." Pretty much everything transliterations and ScreamPrompts has ever created has struck fear in my heart upon first reading the prompt. But I think the best writing comes from the places in our minds that warp to shape a narrative to fit the criteria of the most difficult, demanding prompts. Moar plz.
The Choir Zone     She woke to hear him sing in the shower. Terry often sang in there, quite loudly. Pauline didn't think much of it, though she missed taking a shower with her new husband. She stretched like a cat might and padded to the bathroom, the better to secretly identify this morning's song.
     Usually it was pretty terrible, like most singing in a shower was, but today Terry sounded wonderfully good. Pauline thought maybe their honeymoon made the difference, but changed her mind when Terry joined her in the bedroom.
     He still sang, even though his body language said he meant to talk.
     "What?" Pauline said.
     " :music: ! " Terry said, and smiled at her while he dried his hair.
     "Stop singing, Terry! Say something, sweetie," she said.
     Terry said, " :music::music: !"
Toccata and Fugue: CauchyToccata
Augustin-Louis Cauchy was born in Paris as the French Revolution began to stir. Politics would flavour the rest of his life as his strongly held views swung him in and out of favour with the succession of authorities who took over France in the wake of the revolution. One colleague went so far as to declare that Cauchy was "mad and there is nothing that can be done about him." Nonetheless, nobody denied his mathematical genius. Cauchy published more papers than any mathematician but Leonhard Euler, covering nearly every topic in mathematics and applied mathematics.
Two of his most famous results are vector inequalities. Vectors can be most simply imagined1 as straight arrows which have particular lengths and directions. I could, for instance, describe an arrow-vector as "2 centimetres up". The sum of vectors can be found by laying the vectors to be added up "head-to-tail" and drawing a new vector from the starting point to the end point. This new vector is the sum of the
Tea for TwoI observed her fragile corpse upon the cemetery seat, looking to and fro like a lost pigeon. She blinked her watery green eyes at me just once as I approached, then let them oggle wide.
"Madam," said I, "have you any need of assistance?"
A soft moan echoed back across the dying rhododendrons.
"Are you tired? Lost?" A quick glance at her spittle-slathered chops. "Hungry?"
She nodded vigorously and a bit of froth flew loose to stick upon a nearby leaf. I watched as it slowly slid its way to the very tip and plopped with a light "thwack" upon the freshly upturned soil.
"Er, there ought to be a dead squirrel or two out back by the fence. I imagine Mortimer left something, he's always forgetting what he's doing and scampering off, you know how those crazy groundskeepers can be . . ."
She made a sound a bit like the braying of a hound.
"Perhaps you don't. Anyhow, come along."
When dealing with the dead, it's best to be polite. I suppose I would be anyhow, though, I can't help it. It's simply

6. What deviations have you faved recently, and why?

:bulletgreen: Codes with this green symbol can be used to: comments, deviation description, journal, user page widgets, dA forum.
:bulletyellow: Codes with this yellow symbol can be used to: deviation description, journal, user page widgets.
:bulletgreen: Bold Text:
<b> abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz </b>
<strong> abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz </strong>
:bulletgreen: Italic Text:
<i> abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz </i>
<em> abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz </em>
:bulletgreen: Underlined Text:
<u> abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz </u>
:bulletgreen: Strikethrough Text:
<s> abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz </s>
<strike> abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz </strike>
<del> abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz </del>
:bulletgreen: Small Text:
<small> abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz </small>
* This code doesn't work in
Because it stops me from asking wreckling html questions every time I write a journal.
at least you've got us,Harry by viria13 That shirt makes me laugh every time.
Lomo Owl by carlsonwkk So much owl stuff because nycterent has recently become obsessed with them and keeps sending me the cutest things.

7. Seeing as how `nycterent is a cat, we all know where her fascination with owlswill lead. Have there been steps taken to inform the community their owl-related deviations might soon be mauled and reduced to slimy wet furry balls beneath the sofa?

As we are collecting a menagerie of canaries, I'm afraid that I must encourage her focus on other feathered delicacies

8. Did you leave the artists completely devoured or did you only nibble? And stop eating me ffs!

Your name has honey in it. What do you expect? You've brought this upon yourself.

I prefer nibbling. I'd get too full otherwise, and there are far too many tasty litters out there to nom on.
I will love,
with the greatest desire,
and sweetest endearment.
my heart will be broken.
but at least I'll have not have,
lived a life with an empty heart
and love letters to no address.
I will laugh,
tears will fall, I'm sure
but they will be out weighed
by a smile so bright,
it'll be seen by a blind person.
and a laugh so loud,
a deaf person will hear.
I will learn,
from the mistakes I make,
and the books I read.
I will learn from friends,
and strangers just alike.
I will learn the unknown,
and fill it with passion.
I will live,
in the terms of my own.
on the edge of cliffs,
and in the depths of sea.
I will live like there's no tomorrow,
because someday,
tomorrow will not come.
L'amore e DioWhen I was seven,
someone told me that worshipping more than one idol was blasphemous,
and I mourned her bigotry.
I have always believed in higher powers. In things greater than myself. In magick, in faeries, in love. In faith being able to cure the world and faith and love falling hand in hand.
When I was fourteen,
you’d walk into a room and I would turn to you as if you were the sun,
and I was a flower in need of your rays.
Your hazel eyes are always bright green in the morning, but I didn’t learn that until I was sixteen. Green eyes always seemed thrilling to me, and you never seemed to represent any sort of danger. Any resistance I had crumbled.
For a year or so,
our hearts were entangled more than our bodies,
and it was the closest I’d ever gotten to a religious experience.
Waking up in the mornings, I’d feel self-conscious and you would pull me close to you: You would kiss my forehead, my cheeks, my neck, my palms, and look at me like I was th

:bulletgreen: The interview had to be cut off there for the sake of my personal survival. My thanks to Halatia for her time and honesty, as well as her kindness allowing me to live. Should any of you have moar pressing dA-related matters you'd like me to investigate, let me know and I promise to leave no webpage unturned until the truth shall be unveiled! :salute:

Until next time,
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xlntwtch Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2012   Writer
Huh. I just saw this, following reading a lot about monkey poop and name your droppings. Not all understood yet, but I'm a little slow :B which must be quite obvious since I see this for the first time at the end of March, '12. And you put up a story I wrote for #ScreamPrompts too. :faint: Will I ever find find the end of this particular thread? :diny: I'll just keep following it whenever I can be here. And thank you. The whole article made me laugh, not easy to do right now. :D
wyldhoney Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
The whole poop thing will go on to replace 'The Neverending Story' I'm sure. I'm glad you got a laugh out of it, though I hope it's not because of some flaw that diminishes the overall obviously very serious tone of these articles?
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2012   Writer
Well, it's pretty obscure in this "vol. 1," sorry. I clicked on every link possible. Some go back to Dev. 2011 = latest post there.
I don't understand how the Canary Review helps. Not everyone here is in the U.S. or watches that kind of movie, reads those books, etc.

I see the "history" of DLDs, but don't see how that helps writers feel "less terror" if that's the object. I know I used to very frequently see the same names win a lot of these literature prizes over and over again. BUT I think it's because perhaps some CVs are new [?] and maybe don't trust their 'sea legs' yet and take suggestions by former CVs, or give lit prizes TO former CVs.

:B I dunno! I have to read "vol. 2" and write something more there.

It's just also kind of amazing how many times the same suggesters are mentioned and (often, but less often than before) the same winners. Still, I can't get caught up in politics around here. Personally, I don't even want this cat-April-Fools-stuff to keep messing with the new page of features I spent all my night setting up, you know? It's probably fun for kids and others for a while, but I worked too hard on that profile page (six categories: two lit and three 'various art' -with eight things in every one) to continually see cats instead, even when I hit "delete all cat __" -it doesn't work long. I'm a tired and frankly stressed-out person, one who doesn't want to fool around today here. I put up new features by midnight PST every month, usually twice a month, but always on the 1st. I added (since it's happening) flash fic I wrote from a cat's POV, but can't take it when chosen artwork changes to cats after I hit that "No" option (done more than once since it happened more than once).

SO -What't serious to me is perhaps different than what's serious for many others. I'll wait. I can't say this volume helped today.
I really appreciate your effort, though.
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2012  Professional Writer
This was completely hilarious. Well-done. :clap:
wyldhoney Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much milady. :bow:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2012  Professional Writer
You're quite welcome. :)
phoenixleo Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2012
:rofl: :happycry:

wyldhoney Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
CrumpetsHarvey Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2012   Writer
Hah! This is the best interview I've read on dA ever.
wyldhoney Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
That is one mighty compliment, thank you! (You have read others, right? ;))
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